Count It.....

I imagine the Lord has been laying this topic on my heart for some time.

Since we've moved here to North Carolina, my heart has been full with the many blessings that had been layed before me by my wonderful Father. My house, my car, my healthy children, my amazing husband. My new found church family. Each blessing I counted all joy. And they brought me joy....

One morning I was driving in my car, running some errands and the popular song by ADELE came on. "Rolling in the Deep".... I'd heard the song a million times before. But this time a line stuck out to me. It was like I had never heard it before! HA!

"COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS TO FIND WHAT YOU LOOK FOR"

What do you look for when you count your blessings? Do you consider yourself blessed because you have a good life? Do you consider yourself blessed when everything around you is going well?

I was speaking with a friend the other day who is going through a real hard time right now. In the midst of her telling me about her troubles she said, "I know how blessed I am..... so I shouldn't complain...I mean, God has given me so much and this really isn't that big of a deal compared to all the good things I have..." and then she gave her list of "GOOD" things in her life. The generic list that we all give.

I dont want to discredit these gifts. I dont want to sound as though these precious blessings are not blessings at all. Because they are! But it definitely shows what we look for when we count our blessings.

James 1:2 My bretheren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 

COUNT it all JOY when you fall into different trials.  Rarely do I hear anyone ever thank the Lord for their trials. Rarely do I hear anyone say, "I am so blessed. The Lord has given me a trial!" Why? Because trials take us out of our comfort zone. Trials are painful. Trials are tiring.  But trials are God's way, as it says here in James, that our faith is tested. Trials are the way our patience is produced. And patience produces a PERFECT WORK...that we will be complete, lacking NOTHING.

Without these trials, we can not grow closer to the Lord. Without these trials our faith cannot grow. Without these trials, we have no reason to rely on the Lord.

Paul says in 2nd Corinthians 12:7-10

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations (meaning, so he doesn't get too prideful in the wisdom he's received), a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure (we dont know what the "thorn" was. It could be a physical ailment, or just some other kind of trial). Concerning this thing I  pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly will I will rather boast in my infirmities (his weaknesses, his trials) that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirimites, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Do we take PLEASURE in our weaknesses and trials? God didn't remove Pauls trials and ailments because they were the very thing that kept Paul looking to Christ. Paul says here he BOASTS in his trials SO THAT the power of Christ may rest upon him. Paul's DESIRE is for God's strength to overwhelm Him. Because THAT is what makes Paul strong.  Do we desire God MORE when we face trials? Do we consider them joy?

Sometimes when we are faced with a consistent trial, we cry out and get bitter when its not removed. Or when God doesn't change our circumstances we are angry, resentful, adopt a "why bother" attitude because things are not being changed the way we desire them to. We are out of  our comfort zone.  We forget that God's word says that trials are meant for our growth.

In Romans chapter 5, Paul begins by telling us of the good things we have from being justified by faith in Christ. We have Peace with God, we have access by faith into grace in which we stand. and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  BUT NOT ONLY THAT! (another translation reads "more than that.")

We also glory in tribulations (says vs 3), knowing that tribulation produces perseverance (cheerful or hopeful constancy! patience, waiting), and perserverance produces character (trustiness, experience), and character produces hope (Pleasure, expectation, confidence, faith). Now HOPE does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Without these precious trials, we are left incomplete. We are left without endurace and character, which here says produces Hope.

When we face trials of various kind, like a hurting marriage, a disease, and broken family, financial hardship, whatever your trial may be, do we approach the Lord in gratitude? Do we know that these trials are from the Lord, our blessings to produce a perfect work in us? Do we give up and divorce because our marriage isn't changing for the better? Do we grow depressed and drown ourselves in alcohol or drugs because we can't stand being uncomfortable? Or do we praise the Lord who gives us exactly what we need to make us perfect, Christ like, and bring Glory to Him?   Determined to stand in the faith given to us by Christ. Do we look to the Lord to be our grace and comfort in the time of trial?

Back to James:

We've read in James that God gives us these trials so that we will be perfect and complete. Lacking nothing.  In the midst of these trials are we seeking to handle these trials in a way that is pleasing to God?  Do we have this type of wisdom that is of the Lord?

James says in 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways.

The word "Faith" here in the greek is pistis. It can be defined: persuasion, credence, moral conviction, especially reliance upon Christ for salvation.  And the word doubt here in the greek is diakrino; which is to seperate thoroughly, to withdraw from or oppose. Stagger, waver.

This verse shows the contrast between faith and doubt. When we go to God for wisdom, do we approach Him with the faith that stands strong? That relies COMPLETELY on Him? Or do we waiver? Do we stagger? When a storm comes and the waves get crazy do they knock you down? Do you give up and do everything you can to get out of the discomfort? Or do you look to Jesus and allow Him to keep your feet on the ground?  I think its important to point out that the doubting man does not receive anything from the Lord. The one that does not trust in God should not walk around assuming he will receive any benefits from God. He must not suppose that he will  grow in the way intended if he does not look to Jesus.

Let us count our blessings. ALL of them. Especially the ones that are most important. The ones that change us. The ones that leave us with no other option but to get before our God in faith.  Let us rejoice in our sufferings Knowing that its a perfect GIFT from the Father who loves His own. And let us examine ourselves. Are we the waivering man in our trials? Tossed to and fro by every movement of the sea. Or are we steadfast knowing that Jesus is our strength? In our weakness do we look to Him because we know HE is the one that makes us strong?

"Count your blessings to find what you look for"  

Oh, That I Had Wings....

I spent some time this morning journaling. Praying... telling the Lord the things on my heart.

Lately I've felt like I'm wandering through the desert. The uncertainty of where God wants me seems unceasing. Since the beginning of 2011, I have been wandering around feeling like, at any moment I would break. I've tried my hardest to not give in to emotional outbursts or look like the crazy wavering woman. And as someone who has struggled with perfectionism and legalism, allowing myself to break down once in a while is a humiliating and scary thing. I have to constantly remind myself that I am a broken human. That I was pulled out of death, saved only by His grace. I have to constantly remind myself that there's nothing I can do to make Him love me any more or any less. And I have to constantly remind myself that the trials I'm facing REALLY ARE for my eventual perfection, and even greater, God's glory.

When I heard the news that we would be moving across the country, away from my family...away from my church family, panic set it. Then anger. Then mourning. Then acceptance. From being so busy with the move I didn't really have time to reflect and maybe out of my anger I chose not to go to God with my feelings. With my questions. I could hear Him speaking to my  heart begging me to go to Him  but I couldn't. I didn't know what I would say.  So I bit the  bullet and dealt with it the best way I could. Stuffing it inside... and then having random outbursts of emotion. (This is not recommended...)

Since moving to North Carolina, after getting the house settled, I still find myself out of sorts. My husband hasn't worked steadily for over 3 months. I haven't been to church in over a month because I have no church home. I haven't used my gifts in so long. I just feel an over all sense of sadness. I feel lost. I feel confused. And I feel my perfectionism creeping back in. Those lies that Satan loves to tell me.

I came upstairs this morning thinking I would write about Apostleship and suffering. Judgement that goes with being a steward of God's word. But all I could do was cry. And write. And share with God my sadness and my fears. My loneliness and confusion. And I was led to the Psalms. The book of sorrows and joys. I love the Psalms. They help me to know that its normal to feel pain. And the comfort of God that is intertwined in the turmoil is beautiful.

Psalm 55
Give ear to my prayer, O God, and do not hide your face from my supplication. Attend to me, and hear me; I am restless in my complaint and moan noisily.

Then in verse 4: My hear is severely pained within me and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling have come upon me, and horror has overwhelmed me.

So I said "OH that I had wing like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. Indeed I would wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.

Oh that I wings like a dove. How I feel like this so much. I'm so tired. Not knowing what God has for me or my family is exhausting. Waiting on Him to move has got to be one of the most exhausting ways to grow. Trusting in His plan is sometimes painful. Especially when it takes so long to manifest. Feeling the enemy try to steal away your joy and hope of His promise. Comforting to know that he wont succeed. This life wants to destroy us. It wants to tear us down. Satan and all his helpers are waiting everywhere ready to lie and take away any amount of peace we can find. Jesus promised us that in this life, we WILL have troubles. And when we are in the troubles more often then we aren't, we wonder how much longer we can go. How much of the enemies darts can we withstand? How long can we go without having any answers? And what do we do when God just doesn't seem to hear us?

David goes on to say in vs 16: As for me, I will call upon God and the Lord shall save me. Evening and morning and at noon I will pray and cry aloud and He shall hear my voice. He has redeemed my soul in Peace from the battle that was against me.

We call upon the Lord. Morning, noon and night. WE CRY out to Him. In the depth of despair  and in the time of trouble...we cry out to Him. HE has REDEEMED my soul In peace from the battle that was against me. Those are precious words to me. I want to say that. He will redeem my soul. He will give me rest. He hears me.

Vs22: Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you. He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.

He will sustain me. When I feel like I can't go anymore... I call out to Him and He shall sustain me. He gives me just a little bit more...and a little bit more.

I don't know what God has for me. I don't know when I'm going to be out of the desert. I don't know how long this is going to last. But I will cry out to the Lord and HE will sustain me. He will not allow me to be moved.

Thank you Father for these trials. Thank you for this desert. Thank you for your comfort. And for your promise that you have a plan for me. I am sustained.