Killed All Day

For your sake we are being killed all the day long;

we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.

The verse above is taken from Romans chapter 8 verse 36. This is the verse I quoted to the Lord right before I prayed a phrase without realizing the weight behind it: "Test me....try me...know me." I confessed to the Lord: I don't know what it means to be killed all day long. I am not regarded as a sheep to be slaughtered. But I want to know You. All of You. And what it means to die daily. 

But do most people in America, REALLY know what it means to "die all the day long?" With our pretty houses and our fridge full of food. Our 2 cars in the driveway and our cries of financial struggle when if we were really honest.....we know not what it means to TRULY go without.  I didn't know what it meant to die all the day long. I didn't know what it meant to suffer. I had not truly lived the gospel in my life. And if we're honest.... most of us haven't. 

How can a stay at home mother of 2, who lives in a 4 bedroom house with 2 cars, enough food to CHOOSE what we will eat every day, every meal know what its like to be killed all day? How can a wife to a JESUS loving GOD fearing man who washes her daily with the Word of God know what its like to be killed all day? 

"I'm Just a fake Christian"

To truly know our Savior we must share in his suffering (2nd Corinthians 1:5) and only then will we know His true comfort. Had I ever shared in the suffering of Christ? No. Not really. So how can I, an American mother of 2, be tested and tried and truly known by God?  

                     "Test me Lord, Try me, Know me"

Grace comes in waves of mercy. The Spirit leading you to prayers such as the above. Who, in their own love of self, would ever ask the Creator of the Universe to test and try them so that their deeds may be exposed an fully seen unless they are loved so DEEPLY by God? No one. No one ever desires to be brought out of their comfort zone. No one ever DESIRES to go through trials. No one comes to the Father unless they are drawn. The waves of God's grace are so violent that they overcome me and I don't even realize what I've prayed. TEST me. TRY me. I want to be proven and affirmed BY GOD. I want those words to be spoken to me, "Well DONE good and faithful servant..enter into my eternal rest."  I stand in awe at the love He has for me, that He should change my heart to desire to be killed all day. I am being made perfect. 

My testing and trying didn't come in forms of tragedy. I didn't lose a child. I didn't lose my spouse. On the outside I appear holy, grateful, wise. Like a "good christian" should be.  And for a minute....it was true. 

My children became uncontrollable. Disrespectful. Exhausting. Quarrelsome. Despicable. Spoiled. Ungrateful. I was the mother of Proverbs 10:1 (A wise son makes a glad father,but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.)

My house was never clean. And the messes made were far beyond normal every day messes. I had no energy. My joy was completely gone. I felt stepped on. Taken advantage of. Unappreciated. Like I could die and no one would care. I existed solely for the desires of my family. And God seemed far from me. I was unloved. Even by the One who supposedly died to SAVE me. 

In a text message to a friend I typed the words, "I want to run away."  I honestly desired to leave my family and everything in it so that I could LIVE. So that I could stop hurting. 

Instead of physically running away, I became isolated. I cut off communication with friends. I over slept. I watched too much TV. I spent money. And between the self love and comfort, drops of grace fell upon my lips....and I prayed. 

"Where are You? Do you even SEE ME?" 

The sweet reminder of my Savior came running through like a waterfall to saturate my empty cup. "If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it."  And I answered "What does it mean to be killed all day long?" 

I am killed when I poor a glass of milk for my children. I am killed when I break up the 50th fight of the day. I am killed when I search for the paperwork my husband asked for  to renew his license at the DMV, RIGHT in the middle of the breakfast I'm cooking. I am killed when they are ungrateful. I'm killed with each load of laundry. I am killed when I fall into bed at 10 at night exhausted from the countless steps I've taken to "do" for everyone else. I am killed when I battle with my son to complete his phonics work. I am killed all the day long. 

After this amazing revealing, SELF and Satan comes in to steal away my joy. I am accused by the accuser. 

"You Failed the Test" 

And on the outside it does appear that way. Remembrance of my fights with my husband, moments of yelling at my children, tears of self pity flood my mind and I, for a brief moment hang my head in shame.   And then I finish the verse" 

" No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:37-39)

I am MORE than a conqueror through Him who loved ME. Nothing can separate me from His love.  

In HIS Amazing Grace He has shown me the way I am being killed all the day long. In His amazing LOVE for me He has whispered the truth of the Gospel to me. To share in the sufferings of Christ is to die to self. To live the life of a servant. To be killed all day long is to regard yourself as nothing. To Love Jesus is to know Him. 

The testing wasn't to prove myself. The trying wasn't so that I would be deemed wonderful and worthy. The testing and trying was so that I would learn to become lower. And by me becoming lower, HE is made Higher! To share in the sufferings of Jesus is DIE to self and be risen to LIFE by the POWER of JESUS Christ. 

I passed the test because I have come out of this fire knowing that its only by the grace of God. I pass the test because kneel broken at His feet. 

Even this privileged, American housewife and mother knows what it means to be killed all day long. To share in the sufferings of Christ and to share in His comfort. 

Count It.....

I imagine the Lord has been laying this topic on my heart for some time.

Since we've moved here to North Carolina, my heart has been full with the many blessings that had been layed before me by my wonderful Father. My house, my car, my healthy children, my amazing husband. My new found church family. Each blessing I counted all joy. And they brought me joy....

One morning I was driving in my car, running some errands and the popular song by ADELE came on. "Rolling in the Deep".... I'd heard the song a million times before. But this time a line stuck out to me. It was like I had never heard it before! HA!

"COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS TO FIND WHAT YOU LOOK FOR"

What do you look for when you count your blessings? Do you consider yourself blessed because you have a good life? Do you consider yourself blessed when everything around you is going well?

I was speaking with a friend the other day who is going through a real hard time right now. In the midst of her telling me about her troubles she said, "I know how blessed I am..... so I shouldn't complain...I mean, God has given me so much and this really isn't that big of a deal compared to all the good things I have..." and then she gave her list of "GOOD" things in her life. The generic list that we all give.

I dont want to discredit these gifts. I dont want to sound as though these precious blessings are not blessings at all. Because they are! But it definitely shows what we look for when we count our blessings.

James 1:2 My bretheren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 

COUNT it all JOY when you fall into different trials.  Rarely do I hear anyone ever thank the Lord for their trials. Rarely do I hear anyone say, "I am so blessed. The Lord has given me a trial!" Why? Because trials take us out of our comfort zone. Trials are painful. Trials are tiring.  But trials are God's way, as it says here in James, that our faith is tested. Trials are the way our patience is produced. And patience produces a PERFECT WORK...that we will be complete, lacking NOTHING.

Without these trials, we can not grow closer to the Lord. Without these trials our faith cannot grow. Without these trials, we have no reason to rely on the Lord.

Paul says in 2nd Corinthians 12:7-10

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations (meaning, so he doesn't get too prideful in the wisdom he's received), a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure (we dont know what the "thorn" was. It could be a physical ailment, or just some other kind of trial). Concerning this thing I  pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly will I will rather boast in my infirmities (his weaknesses, his trials) that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirimites, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Do we take PLEASURE in our weaknesses and trials? God didn't remove Pauls trials and ailments because they were the very thing that kept Paul looking to Christ. Paul says here he BOASTS in his trials SO THAT the power of Christ may rest upon him. Paul's DESIRE is for God's strength to overwhelm Him. Because THAT is what makes Paul strong.  Do we desire God MORE when we face trials? Do we consider them joy?

Sometimes when we are faced with a consistent trial, we cry out and get bitter when its not removed. Or when God doesn't change our circumstances we are angry, resentful, adopt a "why bother" attitude because things are not being changed the way we desire them to. We are out of  our comfort zone.  We forget that God's word says that trials are meant for our growth.

In Romans chapter 5, Paul begins by telling us of the good things we have from being justified by faith in Christ. We have Peace with God, we have access by faith into grace in which we stand. and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  BUT NOT ONLY THAT! (another translation reads "more than that.")

We also glory in tribulations (says vs 3), knowing that tribulation produces perseverance (cheerful or hopeful constancy! patience, waiting), and perserverance produces character (trustiness, experience), and character produces hope (Pleasure, expectation, confidence, faith). Now HOPE does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Without these precious trials, we are left incomplete. We are left without endurace and character, which here says produces Hope.

When we face trials of various kind, like a hurting marriage, a disease, and broken family, financial hardship, whatever your trial may be, do we approach the Lord in gratitude? Do we know that these trials are from the Lord, our blessings to produce a perfect work in us? Do we give up and divorce because our marriage isn't changing for the better? Do we grow depressed and drown ourselves in alcohol or drugs because we can't stand being uncomfortable? Or do we praise the Lord who gives us exactly what we need to make us perfect, Christ like, and bring Glory to Him?   Determined to stand in the faith given to us by Christ. Do we look to the Lord to be our grace and comfort in the time of trial?

Back to James:

We've read in James that God gives us these trials so that we will be perfect and complete. Lacking nothing.  In the midst of these trials are we seeking to handle these trials in a way that is pleasing to God?  Do we have this type of wisdom that is of the Lord?

James says in 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways.

The word "Faith" here in the greek is pistis. It can be defined: persuasion, credence, moral conviction, especially reliance upon Christ for salvation.  And the word doubt here in the greek is diakrino; which is to seperate thoroughly, to withdraw from or oppose. Stagger, waver.

This verse shows the contrast between faith and doubt. When we go to God for wisdom, do we approach Him with the faith that stands strong? That relies COMPLETELY on Him? Or do we waiver? Do we stagger? When a storm comes and the waves get crazy do they knock you down? Do you give up and do everything you can to get out of the discomfort? Or do you look to Jesus and allow Him to keep your feet on the ground?  I think its important to point out that the doubting man does not receive anything from the Lord. The one that does not trust in God should not walk around assuming he will receive any benefits from God. He must not suppose that he will  grow in the way intended if he does not look to Jesus.

Let us count our blessings. ALL of them. Especially the ones that are most important. The ones that change us. The ones that leave us with no other option but to get before our God in faith.  Let us rejoice in our sufferings Knowing that its a perfect GIFT from the Father who loves His own. And let us examine ourselves. Are we the waivering man in our trials? Tossed to and fro by every movement of the sea. Or are we steadfast knowing that Jesus is our strength? In our weakness do we look to Him because we know HE is the one that makes us strong?

"Count your blessings to find what you look for"  

As Though They Had None

1st Corinthians chapter 7 used to bother me deeply. I felt Paul was kind of putting down something I held very dear to me. My marriage. When I would read this chapter I would get angry and say, "Yeah Paul. We get it. You're not married so no one else should be either." And while Paul does express the blessings of being unmarried, that's not his point at all.

I'm mainly going to stick with vs 32-35

But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of this world- how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the thing of this world- how she may please her husband. And I say this for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, that you may serve the Lord without distraction.

Paul makes a very clear point here. Those who are married care about the other. Their focus is their marriage. How they can please each other. The wife is focused on make her husband happy. The husband focused on making the wife happy.

In the beginning of my marriage and up to the point of God opening my eyes to this chapter, my focus was on Sean. He was at the forefront of my mind at most times. Which, to most, including me, isn't a bad thing. Its not bad to want to please your husband. But Paul's point here is that my focus on pleasing my husband takes away from my focus of pleasing the Lord. He calls it a distraction from pleasing the Lord.

The married couple's focus is on each other, rather than on the Lord.

Paul's point here is that an unmarried woman needs to worry about NOTHING other than her Jesus. Her focus is on how she may please Him. How her life may be dedicated to serving Him. She focuses on keeping herself pure and holy before the Lord. Then when she gets married, her focus shifts and she becomes more concerned with pleasing her husband.  When our focus is on anything but the Lord, we have trouble. 

Paul writes in vs 28: But even if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless, Such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.

To marry is not a sin....but you will have trouble. Because when you marry, your focus shifts to that of the world (the spouse) rather than the focus being on Christ. 

Then Paul says something very interesting in vs 29. This was the verse that always made me angry. I couldn't understand what in the world Paul was saying. He says

But this I say brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even, those who have wives should be as though they had none.

Is Paul really telling my husband, and even me, that we should act as though we did not have a wife? Yes. But not in the way I originally thought.


Paul was clear that unmarried people have a blessings. He calls it a GIFT to remain single forever. Paul worries only about the way he can please the Lord. The unmarried man and woman only care about the ways they can please God. Their focus is on Him.  When we get married, our focus, usually willingly, switches to being on our spouse and pleasing them. Paul is telling us that once we are married, we should STILL focus on the Lord as we did before we were married. We should still aim to please God as we would if we had no wife or husband.

Ladies, no marriage can be fulfilling if you're focusing on that sinner of a husband you have. And your husbands life cannot be fulfilling if he is focusing on the sinner of a wife that you are. Our focus must be on God.

But some might ask, "If I don't make time and focus on our marriage, then it will fail"  and I would say you're missing the big picture.

Jesus says in Matthew 6:33, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you.' If our focus is on God and how we can please HIM, everything else will be taken care of. I have huge reason (both from experience and observation) that the vast majority of why marriages fail is for no other reason besides the focus not being on the Lord. If both spouses are focused on each other, its never a pretty picture. But if our focus is on the Lord, all we can see is His beauty and we rest in the fullness of joy that comes through seeking after Him. All we are left with is the satisfaction He brings in any circumstance.

Marriage is a beautiful thing given to us by God.  And not everyone can be as Paul and remain single forever. But we can strive to focus on the Lord.

Is your marriage hurting? Turn your eyes to Jesus.  Is your marriage about to fail? Turn your eyes to Jesus. He is where our focus should be.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.

Not My Own

God, the past couple days has been teaching me the severity and the heaviness of what was done on Calvary. The weight that was carried was far greater than I had ever given thought to. Recently, it had me in tears.

1st Corinthians chapter 6: A chapter of sexual immorality. A chapter that Paul writes to the church in Corinth reminding them that such sinners a themselves, do NOT inherit the Kingdom of God. Such sinners as ME... But Paul tells them they were washed, and sanctified, and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of Our God (verse 11).

Such sinners as me.... To think back and remember what the Lord saved me from is enough to bring me to my knees in praise. But then to think of my Jesus bearing the burden of MY shame, knowing that when He was making His way to the hill on Calvary, being beaten, scourged, spit on, yelled at, all the while carrying that heavy cross, and then nailed to that cross, all this done with MY name in mind... makes me weep. A love like that is impossible to find. He did it for such a sinner as me.  He did it for such sinners who believe on His Name.

And because of that love, I am washed clean.  And because of that love I am made new. Because of that love I am to walk in newness of life! Because of that love, I should want to give everything back to Him!

Paul says in vs 12: All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

In short, you are "allowed" to DO whatever you want. But whats the cost? How do your choices affect you? Are they pleasing to the Lord? Are you under the power of the choices you make? Do I use my free will to glorify my flesh or my Lord who paid for my freedom? 

Paul says in 15: Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? CERTAINLY NOT!

Do I use my body to glorify God? Do I use it to glorify sin?

Verse 17: But he who is joined to the lord is one Spirit with Him

If you are a believer, if you have been purchased by Jesus Christ, you are joined together with God. You are one spirit.

In this chapter, Paul is referring to sexual immorality. He says that to be sexually immoral is to sin against your body. And if we are joined together in one spirit with God we are sinning against God's temple. If you think that just because you may not be in sexual sin that this doesn't apply to you, I would say you're wrong. To present my members to any sort of sin becomes a direct violation of the One dwelling within me.

in Vs. 19: Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit which  is in you, whom you have from God, and YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN?

You are not your own. If you have been PURCHASED BY CHRIST...you belong to HIM. Your body is the dwelling place for the Holy Spirit.

Vs. 20: For you were BOUGHT at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

You were BOUGHT AT A PRICE: That price was Christ bearing the weight of the sins of those who believe on Him. That price was Him crucified. He viewed His children valuable enough to carry our shame and DIE for them. You were not bought at some cheap second hand store price. You were purchased by the blood of the ONLY Living God's ONLY Son...Jesus Christ. How do you present your body? What do you do with the house that the Holy Spirit dwells in? What do you allow into it?

My prayer before I sat down with the Lord this morning was that He would put a fire in me to desire Him. I prayed that I would be cleansed of anything that was not pleasing to Him. To be rid of anything that kept me from serving Him the way He calls me to. I prayed that I would burn with desire for only Him. And this was the chapter I read this morning.

To be purchased by the Lord. To know that He views me so valuable to BUY me at such a hefty price brings me to my knees. To know how valuable I am to HIM that He was willing to die for me is amazing. Because I am SUCH A SINNER as them. What will I do with that gift?

Glorify God in your body and in your spirit, Which are Gods.....

Oh, That I Had Wings....

I spent some time this morning journaling. Praying... telling the Lord the things on my heart.

Lately I've felt like I'm wandering through the desert. The uncertainty of where God wants me seems unceasing. Since the beginning of 2011, I have been wandering around feeling like, at any moment I would break. I've tried my hardest to not give in to emotional outbursts or look like the crazy wavering woman. And as someone who has struggled with perfectionism and legalism, allowing myself to break down once in a while is a humiliating and scary thing. I have to constantly remind myself that I am a broken human. That I was pulled out of death, saved only by His grace. I have to constantly remind myself that there's nothing I can do to make Him love me any more or any less. And I have to constantly remind myself that the trials I'm facing REALLY ARE for my eventual perfection, and even greater, God's glory.

When I heard the news that we would be moving across the country, away from my family...away from my church family, panic set it. Then anger. Then mourning. Then acceptance. From being so busy with the move I didn't really have time to reflect and maybe out of my anger I chose not to go to God with my feelings. With my questions. I could hear Him speaking to my  heart begging me to go to Him  but I couldn't. I didn't know what I would say.  So I bit the  bullet and dealt with it the best way I could. Stuffing it inside... and then having random outbursts of emotion. (This is not recommended...)

Since moving to North Carolina, after getting the house settled, I still find myself out of sorts. My husband hasn't worked steadily for over 3 months. I haven't been to church in over a month because I have no church home. I haven't used my gifts in so long. I just feel an over all sense of sadness. I feel lost. I feel confused. And I feel my perfectionism creeping back in. Those lies that Satan loves to tell me.

I came upstairs this morning thinking I would write about Apostleship and suffering. Judgement that goes with being a steward of God's word. But all I could do was cry. And write. And share with God my sadness and my fears. My loneliness and confusion. And I was led to the Psalms. The book of sorrows and joys. I love the Psalms. They help me to know that its normal to feel pain. And the comfort of God that is intertwined in the turmoil is beautiful.

Psalm 55
Give ear to my prayer, O God, and do not hide your face from my supplication. Attend to me, and hear me; I am restless in my complaint and moan noisily.

Then in verse 4: My hear is severely pained within me and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling have come upon me, and horror has overwhelmed me.

So I said "OH that I had wing like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. Indeed I would wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.

Oh that I wings like a dove. How I feel like this so much. I'm so tired. Not knowing what God has for me or my family is exhausting. Waiting on Him to move has got to be one of the most exhausting ways to grow. Trusting in His plan is sometimes painful. Especially when it takes so long to manifest. Feeling the enemy try to steal away your joy and hope of His promise. Comforting to know that he wont succeed. This life wants to destroy us. It wants to tear us down. Satan and all his helpers are waiting everywhere ready to lie and take away any amount of peace we can find. Jesus promised us that in this life, we WILL have troubles. And when we are in the troubles more often then we aren't, we wonder how much longer we can go. How much of the enemies darts can we withstand? How long can we go without having any answers? And what do we do when God just doesn't seem to hear us?

David goes on to say in vs 16: As for me, I will call upon God and the Lord shall save me. Evening and morning and at noon I will pray and cry aloud and He shall hear my voice. He has redeemed my soul in Peace from the battle that was against me.

We call upon the Lord. Morning, noon and night. WE CRY out to Him. In the depth of despair  and in the time of trouble...we cry out to Him. HE has REDEEMED my soul In peace from the battle that was against me. Those are precious words to me. I want to say that. He will redeem my soul. He will give me rest. He hears me.

Vs22: Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you. He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.

He will sustain me. When I feel like I can't go anymore... I call out to Him and He shall sustain me. He gives me just a little bit more...and a little bit more.

I don't know what God has for me. I don't know when I'm going to be out of the desert. I don't know how long this is going to last. But I will cry out to the Lord and HE will sustain me. He will not allow me to be moved.

Thank you Father for these trials. Thank you for this desert. Thank you for your comfort. And for your promise that you have a plan for me. I am sustained.

Precious Secrets....

In my last entry, I posted about God choosing the weak things of the world to shame the wise. Paul made it pretty clear in that chapter that the wisdom of men is dangerous. Deceitful to both the person possessing the worldly wisdom, and dangerous to those around him.  We tend to admire and look up to those who are smarter than us. Thinking that they must some how be better than us because they are smarter. But as I saw in chapter one of 1st Corinthians, God chooses the ones who are broken down and seemingly useless by the standards of the world.

When I continued on in chapters 2 and 3, I found myself a bit disappointed because I wasn't receiving this "GREAT FEEL GOOD" message from the chapters. It seemed to just be reiterating the same stuff as chapter one. But how silly of me. If God's word is divinely inspired and His hand upon each word that was written by the men HE chose to write them, there's gotta be more than what I'm seeing. And if Paul is taking 3 chapters to talk about the same topic, its gotta be important. So I prayed. Asking God to reveal to me what His point is.  And here is the little love note that came with the bouquet of flowers my father sent to me this morning. Another reminder of just how precious He views His children...

But it is written: Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.(Isaiah) But GOD has revealed them to US through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes the deep things of God. For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the SPIRIT who is from GOD, that we might know the things that have been freely given  to us by God. (1st Corinthians 2:9-13)

This is our gift. The Spirit of the Living God. Without it, no one can understand the mind of Christ. No one can be transformed into something beautiful. Without it, no one can know the Love of the Father. Without it, no one can have Eternal life....

Further in vs 14 it says "But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them because they are spiritually discerned."

I am completely overwhelmed this morning. What a precious love note from the Creator of this universe. Its like I woke up this morning and received a dozen roses. A beautiful courtship between God and His children. This is the story of Cinderella. The world persecuting and calling the weak dumb. The world telling me that I am worthless and nothing. Judging me because I never went to school. Or because I had an alcohol problem. Or because I had a baby before marriage. The world beating me up. Me being a slave to sin and making me dirty. But all this time God had His eye on me. Thinking I was beautiful. And He has chosen me to be His bride. He picked me up out of the dirt and cleansed me with the blood of His only Son. Then He sent His Spirit to dwell within me and transform my mind. And He gave me His word to share with me His secrets. The deepest secrets that NO ONE ELSE CAN KNOW except for the ones He  chooses to reveal them to and it doesn't stop there. He's coming back for me. To rescue me from this world. To call me His bride and take me into His kingdom forever.

God has chosen to reveal to US the things of God. When Christ died, upon belief we receive the Spirit of God IN US. And we are then able to understand the mind of God. Verse 16 says "For 'who has the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?' BUT WE HAVE THE MIND OF CHRIST!" 

Chosen: The weak things to shame the wise. 

We are wise in the things of God. Which are the things that matter. The GIFT we are given is the SPIRIT which discerns all truth of God. Without it, no one can understand.

This is love of the Father. This is the Cinderella story.  He shares with us His deepest secrets... His mind. His heart. And He's coming back for us one day. To clothe us in beautiful linens and make us His bride. 

He Loves us......

Necessary Imperfection

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; -1st Corinthians 1:27

I'm not an educated woman. I don't work. I've never been to college. I did go to esthetician school to become a skin therapist, but that's not by any means a "Smart person's" job. My math skills are ridiculously terrible. 

When the Lord saved me, I was a 23 year old recovering alcoholic. Mother to a child conceived out of wedlock. By any one's standards I was far from being a "Good girl". My life was so shameful and disgusting. But Christ wanted me for something wonderful.

So many times we hear things like "Jesus died for the sinners" or "Jesus loves you just the way you are" or "Jesus sees you as beautiful" or "God created you just the way you are." And while those things are good and true, do we actually believe them? Do we actually believe that GOD...in His great perfection, loves us JUST the way we are? When we sit and examine ourselves; when we pick apart our character, or appearance; when we really take a good look at the kind of person we are; on the days when our sin is just oozing out of us, do we REALLY believe God specifically chose us to love Him and he SPECIFICALLY chose us to be used by Him? Or.......

Do we believe there must be some mistake? Do we feel like we've let Him down?

In Corinthians chapter one, Paul is urging the church to be one minded. To not be under any certain man, giving him glory, but that they be under CHRIST. The Corinthians were having a bit of an issue (among their many! Silly Corinthians...) about who's teachings they followed. Some would say "I'm of Paul!" and another "I'm of Apolos..." Paul reminded them that Christ is of ONE flesh. And we are all ONE in HIM!

Paul goes on to speak of wisdom. The wisdom of God and the wisdom of man. Paul says he was not called to preach the gospel with words of wisdom in vs 17. He actually says that cross would be made with no effect. Paul's wisdom would just get in the way of the beauty of the Cross. So he just preaches Christ.

Paul was an old, probably blind guy with eye infections. He wasn't very strong. He was broken up from being beaten so many times and stoned. He wasn't that strong of a guy! When he was called on by the Lord, he was a killer of Christians. Despised the message of the Cross. Paul calls himself the CHIEF OF ALL SINNERS...yet here he is, Called by the ONE ALMIGHTY GOD, to be a preacher of the gospel. To lead churches and pastor them. Paul was a pretty disgusting guy in his Pre-Jesus days. Yet we see how God used him to write the majority of the new testament. 

When I take a second to actually think about the men who were used to write God's words down, I'm encouraged and humbled.  These men weren't perfect. They were disgusting. They were adulterers, slanderers, prideful, lustful. Some with speech impediments, men who disobeyed God. Men who used their sword to cut off people's ears out of anger. Murderers. Shameful guys. Yet God used them.... He used THEM to bring Himself glory. He didn't use the "good guys".....

God CHOSE the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise and He chose the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty.

What hope this gives me.  Some days I feel like giving up. Some days I feel like God can't possibly love me. He can't possibly use me. There's someone better, smarter, prettier.. Someone who knows the word better. Someone who didn't yell at their children last night. He will use the ones who went to school. He'll use the ones that never fight with their husband. He will use the ones who spend hours in the Word. He will use the ones who dont sin that much. He can't possibly use me. I'm not good enough.

But here I read in His word that its people like ME...shameful, disgusting, incapable human beings, that He to bring Glory to Himself.  He uses the weak to shame the wise.  I am weak. He uses the weak things of this world to magnify His beauty.

What a gift it is to be a weak person. What a wonderful thing to know that I am chosen by God NOT because I'm so great and wonderful...but because I'm weak and silly. He loves me so much that He wanted to save me. He uses me to bring Glory to Himself.

It relieves a lot of pressure doesn't it? To know that imperfection is necessary in bringing Glory to God.

And the base things of the world, and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to be to nothing the things that are, That no flesh should glory in HIS presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption- that as it is written...... "HE WHO GLORIES, LET HIM GLORY IN THE LORD" 1st Corinthians 1:28-31